I am not hilarious enough to properly title this piece but OH WELL. Here are some musings on orgasms. Enjoy!
Part of me thinks that orgasming is like speaking; we all have to learn to do it; some are better are it than others; sometimes we’re just not able to express ourselves. I think I’m a much better lover than I am a speaker, but sometimes I wonder if, during PIV (penis in vagina) sex, I have been pretending to cum all these years.
I have never struggled to reach orgasm; it’s something that has always come very naturally to me. But on some level I have always doubted my orgasms from penetration. Like most women, I get myself off regularly and reliably. When I am with my partner my orgasms feel different, and until recently I tended to think of them as lesser, worse, or even fake.
The basis of this problem is my physical understanding of the female orgasm. When I think of an orgasm I usually think of a clitoral orgasm, brought about by intense and regular pressure on my clit and pubis. An orgasm from penetration will not feel the same, as it is stimulating different parts of my body, the same way a kiss hello feels different from a French kiss. This is common sense, but at the same time I have been taught that orgasms should always be explosive; that they should be as close to the male ideal of orgasm=ejaculation as possible, and so when my orgasms are more internal, private, or small, I tend to write them off as “not real”. Thanks, patriarchy.
Defining an orgasm as specifically an expression of clitoral pleasure is as damaging and limiting as defining sex as PIV. This narrow definition of sex is something I have worked on overcoming in the past few years, and now my definition of an orgasm is about to undergo the same treatment. It’s a deeply ingrained idea that will take a lot of time to get away from, but hey! At least I know I’m going to enjoy the journey.